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September 2010
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November 2010

Why the Power of Your Associations Can Hurt You

Building a solid support network of those who value health is a huge part of our success in achieving our own goals and dreams.  If you were to evaluate the major influences in your life that have shaped the kind of person you are, this has to be high on the list: the people and thoughts you choose to allow into your life. Never underestimate the power of influence. Indeed, the influence of those around us is so powerful! Many times we don't even realize we're being strongly affected because influences generally develop over an extended period of time.

Peer pressure is an especially powerful force on your health and lifestyle because it is so subtle. If you're around people who eat everything on their plate, chances are excellent that you'll follow their lead. If you are around people who stay up late and don't sleep very much, chances are excellent that you'll do the same thing. If you are around people who don't read, chances are excellent that you won't read.

People can keep nudging us off course a little at a time until, finally, we find ourselves asking, "How did I get here?" Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully if we really want our lives to turn out the way we've planned.

Let me give you three key questions I learned from Jim Rohn to ask yourself about the people you're spending time with. They may help you to make better analysis of your current associations and support network.

Here is the first question: "Who am I around?" Make a mental note of the people with whom you most often associate. You've got to evaluate everybody who is able to influence you in any way.

The second question is: "What are these associations doing to me?" That's a major question to ask. What have they got me doing? What have they got me listening to? What have they got me reading? Where have they got me going? What do they have me thinking? How have they got me talking? How have they got me feeling? What have they got me saying? You've got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.

Here's a final question: "Is that okay?" Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence. Then again, maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I'm suggesting here is that you take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you need to go.

It's easy to just dismiss the things that influence our lives. One man says, "I live here, but I don't think it matters. I'm around these people, but I don't think it hurts." I would take another look at that. Remember, everything matters! Sure, some things matter more than others, but everything amounts to something. You've got to keep checking to find out whether your associations are tipping the scales toward the positive or toward the negative. Ignorance is never the best policy. Finding out is the best policy.

Perhaps you've heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying.
The owl said to the bird, "You are crying."
"Yes," said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his eye.
"Oh, I see," said the owl. "You're crying because the big bird pecked out your eye."
And the little bird said, "No, I'm not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I'm crying because I let him."

It's easy to let influence shape our lives, to let associations determine our direction, to let pressures overwhelm us, and to let tides take us. The big question is: Are we letting ourselves become what we wish to become?


Why did I do that? (Theory of Two Brains)

A simple way to look at this question is to understand two distinct parts of our brain that are responsible for two distinct types of thinking.  One part of your brain, known as the Limbic system, makes decisions based on emotions, and focuses on the quickest, easiest way to solve a problem.  Another part of your brain, known as the pre-frontal cortex, makes decisions based on logic, and looks for long-term solutions.   Let’s move away from discussion of the physical brain structure, and simply refer to what the brain does… it’s functions.

THE Theory of TWO BRAINS…as mentioned earlier… two different parts of your brain, serve two different functions… we’ll refer to them as the RATIONAL BRAIN and the EMOTIONAL BRAIN:

  1. Your Rational BRAIN: Uses logic and is responsible for Planned Behavior; is factually based;  considers Long-term consequences; is more “Parent”- like …and is “willing to wait”
  2. Your Emotional BRAIN: Uses feeling/emotions, and is responsible is responsible for Impulsive/compulsive behaviors; considers fulfilling Immediate needs/desires;  is more “Child”-like… and wants WHAT IT wants… NOW!

Why DO we sometimes behave in ways that are not in our own best interest?

Usually, when we are making a decision, or solving a problem, we get input from both parts of our brain (both the Rational BRAIN and Emotional BRAIN make a contribution). Depending on our current mood, or the situation, we may follow the lead of one part of our brain… over the other.

The Emotional BRAIN has a distinct advantage in that it can come up with answers very quickly.  Whereas, the Rational BRAIN is more methodical and deliberate, offering answers only after careful consideration of the consequences.  So as it turns out, the “first” answer to pop into our head is often offered up by the Emotional BRAIN.

When the Emotional BRAIN dominates the decision making process, we will make decisions based on the quickest and easiest way to solve a problem.  Later, after the fact, our Rational BRAIN “kicks in” and asks “Why did I do that… what was I thinking?”  Have you ever experienced anything like this? …most of us have.

Which BRAIN are you using to make decisions about EATING?

Of course, some decisions are best left to the Emotional BRAIN: when we are being spontaneous, or need an immediate answer.  However, the Emotional BRAIN can also get us into trouble.  Sometimes when we make a decision, based on the quickest/easiest solution… we later regret that decision.  The challenge is controlling which BRAIN, makes which decisions.

Like any thought or thinking process, the more we think in a certain way, the easier and faster that way of thinking becomes.  We form “habitual” ways of thinking.  This can be a problem when we are in the “habit” of using our Emotional BRAIN to make decisions that have long-term consequences.  If we use our Emotional BRAIN to make too many decisions about what to eat, this can have a long-term impact on our weight.

When we use our Rational BRAIN to make decisions about what to eat, we are likely to get better long-term results. The Rational BRAIN is not interested in the quickest/easiest solution: it is interested in long-term consequences.  Using this way of thinking to make decisions about what to eat (like any thought or thinking process); can be developed into a habit.  Developing the HABIT, of making rational eating choices

Practice asking yourself these questions, before you put anything into your mouth:

  • Which BRAIN am I using right now (Rational or Emotional)?
  • Is eating this… in MY best long-term interest?
  • If I eat this… how will I feel an hour from now?
  • How will I feel tomorrow, about the decision I am about to make?
  • How will I feel a year from now, if I continue to make decisions like this?
  • How will you feel TWO years from now, if you continue to make decisions like this?

Practice listening to the Rational BRAIN, before taking action.  Practice NOT acting on the “first” idea/solution that pops-up… give careful consideration to these questions before you act.

Watch Your Language: Developing a Healthy Inner Dialogue

We ALL talk to ourselves: we have an “Internal Dialogue”.  We’re continuously asking ourselves questions; making comments to ourselves; talking things through, to make decisions.  The language we use, during these “discussions”, may be helpful, or MAY be hurtful.  Please, pay attention to the kind of language you use, when you are having an internal discussion.

You cannot win the battle if your enemy has outposts in your head!

If the majority of your Internal Dialogue is negative, and you use strong language, you may be talking yourself into a very negative place. Monitor the language you use; monitor the “tone” of your words; monitor the kind of questions you ask yourself.  Some of us have gotten into the HABIT of speaking to ourselves quite harshly… almost in a punishing way.  As if, we speak harshly enough to ourselves… that will make things BETTER?

A good rule of thumb is: if you wouldn’t say certain things aloud to your best friend, don’t say them silently to yourself.  Listen to the way you talk to yourself would you talk to your best friend like that?

When you DO talk with your best friend, you are probably supportive, patient and compassionate... why not extend this type of dialogue to yourself?  Make every effort to “speak to yourself”, in a way that is supportive and patient… and shows that you care.

Have fun with this… as you monitor, and re-phrase as necessary, notice how differently you feel when you talk with yourself like you are your own best friend.